Put Your Oxygen Mask on First
Parents, friends, service-providers - one of the best ways you can support our community (especially your children) is by taking care of yourself. You will be more equipped to hold space for people in their tougher moments if you are not depleted. You might be able to give from an empty cup in the short term, but you will burn out eventually.
Everything in the remainder of this article is for you. Do not discount your own (trauma) experience. It matters. Trauma is a real or perceived threat to one’s life or the life of a loved one. It can be experienced directly or vicariously (hearing about it), and can overwhelm one’s ability to cope. The extent to which you address your experience will impact how you are able to help others address theirs.
Psychoeducation
Empower yourself with an understanding of what to expect in the 1-2 weeks’ aftermath of a traumatic event and what to look for to know if you or a loved one needs additional support. A few things to keep in mind:
- Everyone heals differently. It’s important not to judge your own or anyone else’s process.
- Many will heal from trauma naturally and without intervention.
- Do not judge yourself if you are feeling okay/good/better. Simply check in with yourself - have you integrated and healed without (many) symptoms, which is also a normal response? Or are you numbing or avoiding your feelings?
- Sad, mad, numb, rage, guilt, shame, grateful… all are normal responses.
- The early stages of healing revolve around making sure basic needs are met. That means getting sleep, good nutrition, and beginning to engage with normal activities again.
- If these things are not happening after 1-2 weeks, it’s time to consider getting additional support.
- It is never too early and never too late to get help.
Attend sessions hosted by Resilience 1220 and others as they are offered. In the coming days there will be a link on Resilience’s website to Lindsey Breslin’s September 17 presentation on acute stress. It can be difficult to integrate information after a traumatic event, so repetition is your friend.
Tools for Panic Attacks (as well as general anxiety & symptoms of hypervigilance)
It is common for people to experience panic after a traumatic event, and it can feel hard to know what to do. You can see a list of possible symptoms here. Your goal is to help the person regain a sense of safety in the present moment. The following are a couple of tools to help you support your loved one.
I recommend everyone practice these exercises when in a calm state. They are beneficial for all of us at all times, and if you and your child have practiced it will be more accessible in a moment of panic.
- Five-Senses Exercise: Here is one example of the practice. You can find many more online. I recommend watching it and practicing it yourself so you are prepared to support someone who starts to panic. If one of the senses comes easily and others, then you can stick with the one they are connecting with most.
- Deep Diaphragmatic Breaths: I find the aforementioned exercise as a helpful way to start slowing the breath down. Once their breath starts to slow, you want them to try to get the oxygen down deep into their belly. The more the diaphragm expands, the more their heart rate will calm. You might have them place one hand on their chest and the other on their belly and ask them to start exaggerating their belly’s expansion (like a balloon inflating in the lower belly) such that their body communicates to the brain it can send oxygen into the diaphragm. Here is one of many examples available online.
Nervous System Regulation
A panic attack is a more extreme manifestation of a dysregulated nervous system. The more we work to support nervous system regulation on an ongoing basis, the more we will prevent panic attacks, decrease hypervigilance, enhance coping skills, increase well-being, and prepare to do intentional trauma processing such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR - more below).
The following are some recommendations for nervous system support. There is a lot of information available on nervous system regulation.
- Connect & have boundaries: We are not made to navigate trauma alone. Gather and share. Also, know when you need to say “no.” It is OK to say, “I do not have the bandwidth to get together,” or, “I would love to go on a walk, but I do not want to talk about the shooting right now.”
- Monitor amount of trauma story sharing: As time goes on, more of our community’s stories emerge. Everyone needs space to share, AND you need to be aware of how the quantity of trauma stories you consume impacts your nervous system.
- Limit your social media and news consumption: Decide on the information you feel you need (e.g. community gatherings and resources) and identify what you do not need more of. Allocate five minutes once (maybe twice) per day for media and news consumption. Set a timer and stick to it.
- No screens an hour before bed or first thing in the morning: Screens right before bed lead to poor quality sleep (compounded by news, social media, and getting the latest text with concerning information). This applies to you and your children. When you start the day with screen + content exposure, you begin the day more dysregulated.
- Walk & talk: Walking while talking about your trauma or someone else’s can help you process what you are saying/hearing as opposed to adding more trauma to your nervous system.
- Give intentional space for what is present: If you do not give yourself space to feel what is there, it doesn’t dissipate. Here is a guided meditation called RAIN by Tara Brach to walk you through creating space for whatever is real for you.
- Movement: Your body stores trauma. The more you move it, the more it will release what you are unconsciously holding onto. Shaking your body (dancing, or literally shaking) is one of the best ways to process the stress chemicals (cortisol) through your system. Turn on Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” with your kids and get them moving with you. If that feels inaccessible, get one of these vibration plates to stand on. Your kids can have their feet on the plate while watching a movie if that’s what it takes!
- Guided breathwork: This might be more accessible than meditation. You can Google search for free, guided breathwork sessions and there are many apps available. This is my personal favorite (though it’s ultimately not free).
- Let it out: If tears are coming, cry. If rage is coming, scream as loudly as possible in your car. The more you let it out in healthy, constructive ways, the less likely it is to come out sideways (and it will).
- Create: Write, draw, paint, bake, build with clay. The act of making supports nervous system regulation and is a great way to connect with your child and friends.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR is one of the most research-backed, evidence-based treatments for trauma. You do not need to have clinical symptoms to benefit from EMDR. Many people benefit from long-term therapy relationships that could also include EMDR. Many in our community could benefit from an EMDR intensive, focusing primarily on alleviating distress created by recent events. These typically range from one to four sessions. Reach out to EMDR therapists in the area (Resilience 1220 will have resources) or in Denver (such as The Catalyst Center) to inquire about these services.
Do not discount your experience. Catch yourself saying, “But I wasn’t there,” or “I shouldn’t be the one breaking down...” You need to process your unique experience of traumatic events.
It is important to acknowledge that, even if your mind knows “I was not there,” your body does not necessarily know it was not there, and trauma lives in the body.
A safe space to process your experience of the past week is an essential part of the healing journey. Access the resources provided by Jeffco and reach out to Resilience 1220 for free individual and group counseling resources.
Additional Resources:
- IMatterColorado (Six free sessions for teens).
- Nicolleti Flater and Associates (three free sessions for EHS Students and Faculty/Staff).
- The Catalyst Center in Cherry Creek is a reputable integrated group practice. See recent blog post.
- Psychology Today is a way to search for therapists.
If You or Someone You Know is in Crisis:
- Dial 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- 24/7 Walk in Crisis Center @ 4643 Wadsworth Blvd.
