Although we are mountain strong, it's okay to not be okay. So, when words fail, we turn to the people who have lived through the unthinkable or expert resources.
Tools for Guiding Conversations with Children
"Look for the helpers" - Fred Rogers
I am a survivor of Columbine High School and have lived in Hiwan Hills since 2011. First, I am absolutely heartbroken that the kids, staff, and families of Evergreen are going through this. It's not okay.
I wanted to share some pieces of wisdom I have, unfortunately, honed since my shooting and in the 26 years since talking to survivors and their families. I hope this helps someone.
- This is completely messed up and it's normal to feel okay one second and devastated the next. It's a rollercoaster and there's no quick fix to the suck.
- Parents: your kids are going to be terrified, and this will look different depending on your child, but it is imperative that they be allowed to talk to someone that isn't you. Getting them into trauma-informed therapy quickly is crucial, but, let them see their friends. Let them talk to their teachers or other trusted adults. DO NOT ISOLATE THEM. I understand you want them home with you and to make sure they are okay, but keeping them from their community can have long-term detrimental effects.
- Respect boundaries. For years after Columbine, I couldn't stand to be hugged. It would send me into a panic spiral because for the weeks after, there was so much unsolicited hugging. It was torture. I still don't like to be touched when I'm upset.
- Structure is good, but flexibility is better. If your kid needs to eat junk food for dinner, or zone out in front of the TV when you normally have family time, or wants to take a walk (someplace safe) by themselves, give them a few days to do what their bodies and minds are telling them they need as long as it is reasonably safe.
- One of the most important things I had was a group of friends with great parents who allowed us to float from house-to-house, giving us space in safe places to process.
- The media is not your friend. If you choose to speak with them, be VERY careful with your words and explicit with your expectations.
- Social media is brain rot. Nothing good will come from doom-scrolling and arguing with strangers on the internet (I try to remind myself of that constantly).
- Teenagers are WAY smarter and capable of an emotional maturity that they are rarely credited with. Listen to them and respect their emotions and needs.
- However, they are still children, and it's too easy for them to try to shoulder adult responsibilities and their childhood to completely slip away. Part of that childhood has already been stolen - try your best to protect what remains.
- Everyone, but especially parents who may be carrying everything for their families: allow yourself the time and space to process and grieve. Talk to someone. Call everyone you love and tell them you love them. Cry. Scream. Laugh. You absolutely have to remember to laugh.
- If you were not at the school, do not pretend like you understand what it was like to be there. This is a ripple event, and everyone's experience will be different. Everyone's different experiences matter, but do everything you can to acknowledge and hold space for those most directly impacted.
If anyone was at the school, or has a child or loved one there, please check out The Rebels Project and their support groups. They are incredible. I am also happy to meet for a coffee or walk or beer (or, if anyone needs, doggo snuggles from two fluffy idiots), if you need someone who has literally been there.
Love to my Evergreen community. This sucks.
The Rebels Project - The Rebels Project seeks to embrace, support, and connect survivors of mass tragedy and trauma by creating a safe environment to share unique resources, experiences, and provide education surrounding the varying effects of mass trauma.
Resilience1220 - To empower young people in our mountain communities to build resilience, strength, and tools they need to navigate life's challenges.
RESILIENCE 1220 Drop-In Counseling Hours
Resilience 1220 is committed to supporting our community in the coming days and weeks, and for the long term. This week, they are offering drop-in counseling for community members in need of immediate support and the chance to share their feelings with a trained counselor who will listen.
Thursday, September 18 (11 am – 1 pm)
Resilience Office, 3072 Bergen Parkway, Suite 100
Thursday, September 18 (3-6 pm)
United Methodist Church of Evergreen, 3757 Ponderosa Drive
As a reminder, Resilience 1220 offers 10 free sessions of individual therapy for youth ages 12-20, and 3 free sessions for teachers and parents. They will also be developing specific support groups that will begin in 2 weeks. For more information, go to their website, resilience1220.org
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) - Gear toward children who have survived traumatic events. Fact sheets and e-learning materials tailored for parents, caregivers, and school personnel. Topics include children's trauma responses, psychological first aid, grief, traumatic stress, and recovery skills
Colorado Crisis Services - Support & counseling for yourself or a loved one.
- Call: 1-844-493-8255
- Text: "TALK" to 38255
- Walk-in: Locations here
Disaster Distress Helpline - The disaster distress helpline provides immediate crisis counseling for people who are experiencing emotional distress related to any natural or human-caused disaster. The helpline is free, multilingual, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Lifeline Chat - The Lifeline is a free, confidential online crisis service that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The Lifeline connects people to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
IMatterColorado.org - I Matter connects youth 18 and younger (and 21 and younger for those receiving special education services) with a licensed therapist for up to 6 free counseling sessions! No insurance, credit card, or legal status information is required. Sessions are available in person or virtual by computer.
Jeffco Publics Schools General Mental Health Resources
Local Mental Health Resources
• Evergreen Psychotherapy Center – Therapy and counseling for adults, children, and families. evergreenpsychotherapycenter.com
• Resilience1220 (Evergreen) – Free, confidential counseling for youth ages 12-20. Located at 3072 Evergreen Parkway, Suite 100. resilience1220.org
• Jefferson Center for Mental Health (JCMH) – Counseling, substance use treatment, and crisis services for Jefferson County residents. jcmh.org
• AllHealth Network (Douglas County & surrounding) – Counseling, psychiatry, group therapy, and crisis support. allhealthnetwork.org
• NAMI Arapahoe/Douglas Counties – Peer-led support, education, and resources for individuals and families navigating mental health challenges. namiadco.org
• Colorado Behavioral Health Administration – anyone affected by the shooting, struggling with fear, grief or other overwhelming emotions, to contact 988 at the Colorado Mental Health Line. All Coloradans can connect with a trained specialist immediately via call, text or live chat here.
Tools for Guiding Conversations with Children
- American Academy of Pediatrics
- American Psychological Association
- The Center for Parent and Teen Communication
- Child Mind Institute
- Color in Colorado
- Common Sense Media
- Illinois Childhood Trauma Coalition
- Inside Him (Stories for Children that Grownups Can Watch)
- Jeffco Public Schools
- National Association of School Psychologists
- The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement
- National Institute of Mental Health
- National Public Radio
- PBS for Parents
- U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Use the 🎗️emoji to find a space for you and yours
RESILIENCE 1220 Drop-In Counseling Hours
Resilience 1220 is committed to supporting our community in the coming days and weeks, and for the long term. This week, they are offering drop-in counseling for community members in need of immediate support and the chance to share their feelings with a trained counselor who will listen.
Thursday, September 18 (11 am – 1 pm)
Resilience Office, 3072 Bergen Parkway, Suite 100
Thursday, September 18 (3-6 pm)
United Methodist Church of Evergreen, 3757 Ponderosa Drive
As a reminder, Resilience 1220 offers 10 free sessions of individual therapy for youth ages 12-20, and 3 free sessions for teachers and parents. They will also be developing specific support groups that will begin in 2 weeks. For more information, go to their website, resilience1220.org
Denver Zoo Conservation Alliance: Free Tickets to Mountain Families from now through September 30
Thank the Helpers - An initiative to thank first responders and those who keep our mountain community safe
Books for Kids
- Everybody Has Feelings: Todos Tenemos Sentimientos: The Moods of Children by C.E. Avery (Ages 2 to 5)
- A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes (Ages 4 to 10)
- Why Did It Happen? by Janice Cohn (Ages 5 and up)
- Reactions by Alison Salloum (Ages 9 and up)
- Glad Monster, Sad Monster: A Book About Feelings by Ed Emberley and Anne Miranda (Ages 4 to 8)
Books for Parents
- The Scared Child: Helping Kids Overcome Traumatic Events by Joy Berry
- Children and Trauma: A Parent’s Guide to Helping Children Heal by Jossey-Bass
Practical Resources for Caregivers after Last Week’s Events🎗️ (Evergreen-Bailey-Conifer)
When the Unthinkable Happens: Supporting Our Kids Through Tragedy (Boulder)
Tips on Talking to Your Children About Scary Events (Littleton-Lakewood)
Helping Your Family Heal After Community Violence (Littleton-Lakewood)
Supporting Your Child Through Tragedy (Marlboro-Manalapan)
