In the early 1980’s I had hit rock bottom. My husband at the time, the man of my dreams, wanted me out of his life because he discovered he loved someone else. I was humiliated in front of all our friends and felt worthless. How I got up for work each morning baffles me. I had nowhere to live and the pity I felt from others, let alone the loneliness and shame, were devastating.
I now know that at that time I had built a life in which I made myself into what I thought other people wanted me to be. I had no sense of my own value. I felt panicked and terrified of the world and the people in it.
Slowly over many years I began to heal and put my life back together. I have found that there are patterns in life that many women follow that keep them down and feeling badly about themselves and their lives.
Let’s stop these patterns NOW!
- Shush that Inner Critic – I call this the “little mean girl” that takes up residence in our minds. She tells us we’re not pretty enough, thin enough, or good enough. You must banish her from your thoughts. When meaningless critical thoughts creep into your psyche, banish them by saying, “Cancel, cancel”, and remember you are a beautiful child of God, Universe, and Source (you fill in the blank according to your beliefs).
- No more Isolating – When you isolate, you are basically alone with your thoughts, and the “little mean girl” usually shows up. Call a friend for lunch, coffee, or happy hour. Take a shower, put on some makeup and wear that cute outfit you’ve been meaning to wear. You will feel better at the snap of your fingers.
- Quit using numbing mechanisms – Drinking, smoking, eating, and shopping are all examples of ways we numb ourselves to our feelings. We need to free up our feelings, negative and positive ones. Let it out with the negative: cry, hit the pillow, scream at the walls. Feel better? I thought so. Now you’ve made room for the positive feelings to come in. Love, Faith, Gratitude and Safety to name a few.
- Don’t Compare – This one is a killer and I must work on it constantly. We are all special in our own way, so don’t compare yourself to the woman next to you. Her life may be in shambles and you’ll never know. Always put your best self forward and feel good about yourself; you are a beautiful child of God, (the Universe and Source).
- Connect to other sources – Research has shown that disconnection to the following can causes us to feel down in the doldrums:
- Disconnection from Meaningful Work – find purpose in all you do.
- Disconnection from Other People – see above: don’t isolate.
- Disconnection from Meaningful Values – an example would be that if you believe that sex should be saved for marriage, don’t have sex outside of such or you will feel badly about yourself.
- Disconnection from Childhood Trauma – We all experienced some sort of childhood trauma at different levels. It’s important to bring these occurrences to the surface and I have found the best way is through listing the instances (at least 5) that you remember and journal about them. Getting it out on paper gets it out of your head and hopefully you can see that you are now safe.
- Disconnection from Status and Respect – Don’t watch the celebrity shows on TV if they make you feel bad about your station in life. Those shows are all fake. Be sure you demand the respect you are due from others, don’t let them put you down.
- Disconnection from the Natural World – Please do not stay indoors all the time. We all need to step outside and feel the sun on our face and commune with nature (as in a walk, hike, or bike ride). The fresh air does the soul so much good and you are also closer to God, (the Universe, and Source).
- Disconnection from a Hopeful or Secure Future – Hope is a major factor in feeling safety in our future life. Never give up hope. I personally read a special devotional passage every morning to start the day off with hope. Find your own ritual that will bring hope into your day.
Some other suggestions to keep you feeling on the up and up are as follows:
- No more Self-Sabotaging
- Stop the People Pleasing
- Quit Seeking Approval from Others
- Escape the Prison of Perfectionism
- Let Go of Controlling Everything
Whew! What a long list I given you. Know that not all the items listed will apply to you. Probably only a few to work on. And after you work through the issue and adopt a healthier option, YOU WILL FEEL GREAT AGAIN!
Please let me know if I can help!
| Life of Impact - Passions Redefined |
 | Life of Impact offers one-on-one coaching services to women struggling with anxiety, depression and/or reliance on alcohol. Life and Recovery Coach Becky Atkinson coaching practice offers the flexibility to tailor care to each woman’s unique needs while maintaining confidentiality. |
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